I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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