pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
