STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
