we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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