Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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