i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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