I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
