My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
