just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
