saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
