Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Floor bacon is actually really good
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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