so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
