dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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