I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
