Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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