She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
