even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
