Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Alive.
So much puke
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
