I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
