just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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