I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
