Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
