thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ladies don't puke and tell
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
