I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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