Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
