census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
