Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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