Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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