I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
BRING THE BAGELS
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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