And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
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