hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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