Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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