Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
