I wanna bring you to show and tell
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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