I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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