fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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