dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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