You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
