so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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