I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
