4 words: hood of his car
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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