You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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