So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
