dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
