Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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