then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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