hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is the high leading the old right now
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
