He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
