I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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