i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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