I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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