capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
