Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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