girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
