New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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