literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
