he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
