I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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