The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
