How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
