i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
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just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
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You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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