I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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