oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
