OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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