friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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