Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
