This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
