sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
