His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
