i just wanna soil my oats bro
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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