So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
