I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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