i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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