the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
