I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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