Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize