I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
