you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
