Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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