ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
